And you know what that means…chugging down chunks of sturgeon bladder and bits of horse hooves. Whaaaat? Reeeeewind. Yup. Apparently not all wine is cruelty free. I know what you’re thinking. What the hell is she talking about? Hold up. Lemme top off my tumbler and I’ll tell you.
Here’s the deal. When wine is being produced it goes through a process called “fining” where all the itsy bitsy impurities are sucked out. How do they do that, you ask? They add MORE crap! Dude, they use fish bladder proteins and gelatin to attract the junk (it’s some chemistry bullshit. I won’t bore you with the deets). No joke. Effing gross and completely unnecessary! I grew up in the TOWN OF SONOMA and I’ve never heard of this. Then again, I’ve never even been wine tasting. Thanks to my mom, I thought jugs of Gallo should be on the cover of “Wine Spectator.” No need to experiment when you have the best!
But, this is 21st century and thankfully we have alternatives. Perched atop the Mayacamas Mountains in the Napa Valley, the people at Pride Vineyards are practicing compassionate winemaking. Me loves it!
Raison d’etre for popping the cork on Pride:
-Guzzle the wine knowing the critters will be fine! This is def number one. Who knew winemakers were using animal bits? Vegan winemakers use natural earth clays to do the dirty work. Step out of the dark ages you other wineries.
-Tasty as all get out! Oh, pardon me. The nose is reminiscent of Golden Retriever puppies (rescued of course) frolicking through open fields of hypoallergenic dandelions while hints of curfew-breaking hormonal teenage necking sessions tickle the palate.
-Good peeps. We loves us a eco-friendly company right? Pride keeps the pesticides out of the bottle and lets the creepy crawlers do their thang. By using only a mildew suppressor and handsomely compensating their employees to manage the vineyard “vine by vine” they are able to maintain a healthy crop AND be sustainable!
-Varieties! My favorite is the Chardonnay, I probably could drink an entire bottle. Who am I fooling? You know I have. Heeeeyyyy. But imagine it’s a blistery winter night and you want something warmer and bigger to accent your seitan loaf and Dude just ain’t cuttin’ it. Grab one of their reds and you will be good to go. Any one of these babies will work and now your entire meal is humane!
With wineries like Pride Mountain Vineyards, we have no excuse to keep drinking nasty nectar made with critter bits. Nobody likes a sad a drunk anyway.
Bottoms up!
