Springtime is among us. Birds are singing, flowers are bloomings, I’m dusting off my VHS copy of Buns of Steele and water parks and aquariums everywhere are unloading containers of marine mammals. Whaaaaaat? Yeah, that’s right. CONTAINERS-transport vesicles-the same things that move trinkets made by 5 year olds in China also move dolphins and orcas to places like Sea World .
Dig if you will the picture: you’re maxin and relaxin with your bros when out of nowhere a bunch of bullies crash your party and kidnap you. You are ripped away from your mom, dad, friends, everyone. Maybe you are a mom and you have to watch while your kiddos are panicking, desperately trying to be near you. While your cronies are slaughtered for “Chicken of the Sea” you’re dealt a ticket aboard Slavery Schooner to Hell (Have you seen “The Cove“? It’s a doozy).
Wrapped in a tarp, doused with water and blinded you are sent to live out your days in a bathtub and fulfill your lifelong dream of learning how to hold a ball with your flippers.
WTH is wrong with us that we find this entertaining? Seriously, this is just ridiculous.
Best part about this shit show? Being taunted by kids who’s parents are surprised when you misjudge their hand for a sardine. You have everything natural taken away from you and you are still supposed to be able to gently grab a treat from tiny human hand. “So sorry I miscalculated a couple of inches and nipped your fingers, but I’M A DOLPHIN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! I’m used to seeing my dinner swimming around, not dangling from a kid’s hand!”
This season let’s think of better ways to have fun with the kids, more humane ones. Pack a picnic and take them on a nature walk. Gotta have the ocean involved somehow? Skip Shit World and go to REAL beach. Kids love playing in the sand and don’t need to see Shamu in a wading pool to have a blast.
How about camping?! Find a spot to spend some quality time together, throwing rocks in a river, watching the stars, barbequing tofu dogs 🙂 And if your kiddos have their hearts set on visiting a water park, please take ’em to one that doesn’t have animals. They LOVE them. Have you seen the lines?
As a general reminder, don’t support the animal entertainment industry, in any capacity. Kids should appreciate animals in the wild, behaving as they are supposed to. The library is full of incredible books and documentaries that depict their true, unadulterated spirit-the reason they are beautiful.
So when you start planning that summer excursion remember, if you go to places like Sea World, your bank account isn’t the only thing being robbed.
